What Is Rapport?
You know those people you meet, and it feels like you’ve known them forever?
Or when someone says, “Hey… do I know you?” and you’re like, “No?” but it kind of feels like you do?
That’s rapport.
Rapport is that feeling of familiarity, comfort, and safety between two people.
Most of the time, we build it unconsciously. It just happens, especially with friends.
You start sitting the same way.
You use the same phrases.
You move your hands similarly.
You match each other’s energy.
You laugh at the same things.
It’s natural.
But in the workplace, especially in male-dominated trades, that unconscious matching doesn’t always happen automatically.
And that’s where we can start doing it consciously.
Why This Matters for Tradeswomen
As women in trades, we’re often walking into spaces where we are the minority.
We naturally build rapport with people who are like us. So, if there’s no one “like” us on site, we can end up feeling slightly outside the group.
That doesn’t mean anyone’s doing anything wrong.
It just means the unconscious mirroring isn’t happening.
And when mirroring doesn’t happen, connection can feel harder.
The good news?
We can influence that.
Without changing our identity.
Without pretending.
Without becoming “one of the boys.”
What Matching Is (And What It’s Not)
Let’s clear this up.
Matching is NOT:
- Changing your personality
- Faking interests
- Suppressing your values
- Shrinking yourself
Matching IS:
- Adjusting delivery
- Meeting energy levels
- Subtly aligning body language
- Creating unconscious safety
It’s about how you show up — not who you are.
Matching Energy
Have you ever been super excited about something and the person you’re talking to is really flat?
It feels awkward.
Or you’re low energy, and someone comes in at 110%, and you almost flinch?
That’s an energy mismatch.
When you walk into a toolbox meeting, job interview, or lunchroom, do a quick internal scan:
What’s the energy level here?
Are people relaxed? Loud? Focused? Calm?
Then meet that level.
You can sit slightly above or below — but stay in range.
When energy matches, people feel more comfortable.
And when people feel comfortable, they’re more open.
Matching Body Language
This one is subtle but powerful.
If someone uses a lot of hand gestures, use your hands more when speaking to them.
If they’re still and grounded, soften your movements.
If the crew stands with their weight on one leg and hands in pockets during meetings, stand similarly.
You’ll notice in team settings that people often unconsciously stand the same way.
That’s not random.
It creates belonging.
When you subtly align your posture or gestures, the other person’s unconscious mind reads:
“Safe.”
“Similar.”
“Familiar.”
And that builds rapport.
Matching Positioning and Presence
I once ran a workshop for male managers about building better workplace relationships with female apprentices.
I had one very tall guy and one very short guy helping me demonstrate.
If you’re significantly taller and standing over someone — especially a young apprentice — it can create unconscious intimidation.
The fix?
Sit down for the conversation.
Lean casually instead of looming.
Lower your physical presence slightly.
It removes the “power over” dynamic and creates equality.
That’s matching too.
Matching Topics (Without Losing Yourself)
If your coworkers always talk about football, you don’t need to become a die-hard fan.
But you can Google what happened on the weekend and have one or two comments ready.
You’re not changing your identity.
You’re entering the conversation.
And sometimes, that’s enough to shift how included you feel.
The Unconscious Mind Factor
A huge percentage of our behaviour runs from the unconscious mind.
That means people often don’t consciously know why they feel comfortable around someone they just do.
Matching works at that unconscious level.
It signals:
- Similarity
- Safety
- Understanding
And safety builds trust.
Trust builds connection.
Connection builds stronger workplaces.
Where You Can Use This
Matching can help you:
- Feel less isolated at lunch
- Connect with new coworkers
- Support new apprentices
- Build trust with management
- Perform better in job interviews
- Strengthen client relationships
It’s a tool.
And honestly, sometimes I use it just for fun. If I’m standing in a group and not fully part of the conversation, I’ll pick one person to subtly match and just observe what happens.
The shift can be fast.
Especially for Tradeswomen
You do not need to overperform to belong.
You do not need to be louder, funnier, tougher, or more “chill” than you naturally are.
Matching is not about becoming someone else.
It’s about making small, conscious adjustments that help your nervous system — and theirs — feel safer.
And when you feel safer, you show up more confidently.
Final Thought
If you’ve ever felt slightly outside the circle at work…
If you’ve wondered why connection feels harder on site than it does with friends…
If you’ve been sitting alone at lunch thinking, “Why does this feel awkward?”
Try matching.
Gauge the energy.
Adjust your posture.
Align your gestures.
Meet the tone.
Small shifts can create big changes.
And the best part?
You get to stay fully you.
If you’re a tradeswoman or tradesperson who’d like some help navigating this journey, I’d love to chat. You can book a coaching consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/louise-azzopardi/coaching_consult
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