In this blog, I have written about workplace relationships. It’s a topic with a lot of opinions, a lot of judgment, and not nearly enough compassion, especially for women in trades.
When a Relationship Becomes a Story, You Didn’t Consent To
If you have read my previous blog about Anxiety Part 3: Self-Concept — I shared a situation from my first year as an apprentice. I was in a relationship with someone at work. I didn’t tell anyone because he asked me not to. It turned out he had a girlfriend the entire time.
Years later, he went around telling people that “he got me”.
I felt awful. I felt like I was part of the reason some people think women only get into the trades to get with men. I was beating myself up constantly. I hated the way I spoke to myself. I was at a dark point mentally.
When Friendship Isn’t Really Friendship
Later, I became close friends with another mechanic. At the time, I would’ve called him my best friend. Then someone made a comment that I was “going to do it all again.”
I brushed it off until I asked my friend directly. He told me he wanted the same kind of relationship as the first one. He also had a girlfriend and planned on keeping her.
And just like that, the self-blame started all over again.
What saved me then was having genuinely good people around me — friends who helped build me back up when it felt like my whole career, reputation, and identity were ruined.
Looking back, I realise this:
Some people will judge you. Some people won’t respect you.
And those people are not meant to be in your circle anyway.
I See This Happen Over and Over Again
I’ve seen this same pattern with clients and women I mentor.
One of my clients was on work experience when a guy asked her out. She said yes — then changed her mind because she really wanted the job. When she got hired, he became bitter and made her life miserable. Parking her in. Locking her in with trucks. Taking tools, she needed. Small, petty things that add up and wear you down.
She didn’t feel like she could speak up. In her head, it was her fault because she said no.
I’ve shared this story before, and I’ve had so many women message me saying:
“I dated someone at work for a few months. It didn’t work out. Now he’s making my life hell but it’s my fault, right?”
No. It’s not.
Let’s Take the Pressure Off
As adults, where do we meet people? Mostly at work. Relationships happen. Sometimes they work out. Sometimes they don’t.
A relationship not working out does not:
- Destroy your reputation
- Take away your skills
- Cancel your technical ability
- Mean you deserve punishment
Your technical ability does not fall out of your ear because a relationship ends.
I know women who met their partners at work, got married, had kids, started businesses together. I also know stories where it’s gone badly.
The difference is this:
A relationship ending badly is one thing.
Bullying is another.
Saying No Is Not an Invitation to Be Bullied
If you say no to someone and they bully you — that is not your fault.
If you dated someone for weeks, months, or years and they bully you after that is not your fault.
Bullying is bullying. There is no justification for it.
I’ve even heard stories of explicit images being shared in workplaces after relationships ended. That didn’t happen to me personally, but it has happened to women I know. And again, none of that changes your competence, your skill, or your worth.
My Worst-Case Scenario — And What Actually Happened
At my lowest point, I was being bullied so relentlessly that I injured myself at work. I slipped while tensioning a fan belt, hit my head, and completely broke down. I was put in the first aid room, and I couldn’t stop crying.
I kept telling myself it was my fault. That I couldn’t tell anyone.
The outcome?
The person bullying me was dismissed immediately.
I received a final written warning.
And you know what didn’t happen?
My career didn’t end.
My skills didn’t disappear.
My future wasn’t destroyed.
Worst-case scenario, things go pear-shaped. You report it. You might cop consequences. But your career continues, and you find a workplace that respects you.
What I Want You to Take from This
There are many opinions about workplace relationships. But here’s what matters:
- You are wanted.
- You are capable.
- You cannot destroy your career by being human.
- You do not deserve to be bullied for a relationship that didn’t work out.
Your romantic relationships do not define your professional worth.
Final Thought
Whether you choose to date at work or not, you are allowed to exist, learn, make mistakes, and grow. You are not your worst moment. And you are not alone.
If you’re a tradeswoman or tradesperson who’d like some help navigating this journey, I’d love to chat. You can book a coaching consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/louise-azzopardi/coaching_consult
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