When instructions keep coming even though you already know what you’re doing…
When “help” starts to feel a lot like being sidelined.
And the tricky part?
It often comes wrapped in good intentions.
When help takes more than it gives
On the surface, overbearing help looks like support.
“Hey, I’ll do that for you.”
“Let me just handle this.”
“It’ll be quicker if I do it.”
And before you know it, the task is done, but not by you.
And that’s where the real cost sits. Not in that one moment, but in everything you didn’t get to learn because of it.
Because growth doesn’t come from watching.
It comes from doing. From struggling a little. From figuring out how something feels, not just how it works in theory.
When those opportunities are taken away, even unintentionally, it leaves gaps. Gaps you often don’t notice until you’re standing in a high-pressure moment thinking, “How do I not know this?”
What that moment looked like for me
I was competing in the Global Skills Challenge, the final selection before representing Australia at the international WorldSkills Competition.
The task in front of me was to disassemble, inspect, and reassemble a diff.
Easy enough, I knew the theory, and I had done it at TAFE (college).
I was putting it back together, and I couldn’t get the crown wheel to sit in properly.
It was heavy, it was awkward, and there was a particular way it was supposed to feel when it went in – (we did have an overhead crane)
I got it eventually, but the anxiety and self-doubt were high.
I asked myself, “Why don’t I know this”
Because when I went to put the crown wheel back in my diff at TAFE, one of the boys helped me out with that final bit of how it was meant to feel when the crown wheel was sitting properly.
He meant well; I appreciated his help and the time, but looking back, I had missed that experience because he was helping me.
The moment it catches up with you
It’s easy to brush things off in the moment.
You tell yourself:
“I saw how it was done.”
“I get the concept.”
“I’ll figure it out later.”
But later has a way of arriving unannounced.
And suddenly, you’re expected to perform something you’ve never actually done yourself.
That’s when doubt creeps in.
That’s when pressure builds.
That’s when you realise knowledge and experience are not the same thing.
And it can feel overwhelming not because you’re incapable, but because you were never given the space to fully learn.
The fine line between support and control
The same goes for over-explaining.
You’re in the middle of a task, and someone steps in:
“Just do this… then this… then this…”
And you’re standing there thinking, “I know.”
But instead of saying it, you nod.
You let it happen.
You move on.
Because sometimes it feels easier than correcting someone. Easier than risking awkwardness. Easier than having that slightly uncomfortable conversation.
But every time you stay quiet, you reinforce a pattern — a pattern where people assume you need more help than you actually do.
So what do you do instead?
You don’t need to be aggressive.
You don’t need to prove anything.
You just need to gently — but clearly — hold your ground.
Because this isn’t about pushing people away.
It’s about making space for yourself.
Simple words, strong boundaries
Sometimes, all it takes is having the right sentence ready.
Not in the moment of frustration but before it.
Something like:
“I’ve got it for now, but I’ll ask if I need help.”
“I want to give this a go myself first.”
“Thanks, I think I understand — I’ll come to you if I get stuck.”
They’re simple. They’re respectful. But they do something powerful.
They remind people that you are capable.
And if you’re already behind?
Here’s something important:
You haven’t failed.
You adapted to the environment you were in.
You worked with what you were given.
And yes, maybe you missed out on certain experiences along the way.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn them now.
It doesn’t mean you’re less capable.
It doesn’t mean you don’t belong.
It just means your path looks a little different and that’s okay.
The bigger picture
In trades and, honestly, in most careers, no one knows everything.
Different workplaces teach different things.
Different roles build different skills.
You might be incredibly strong in one area and completely new in another.
That’s not a weakness.
That’s just part of the process.
The real shift
This isn’t just about stopping overbearing help or mansplaining.
It’s about trusting yourself enough to say:
“I want to try.”
It’s about valuing your own learning, your own growth, your own experience.
Because no one else can build that for you.
Final thought
At the end of the day, this isn’t about rejecting help — it’s about choosing growth.
You’re allowed to take up space in your own learning.
You’re allowed to try, to struggle, to figure things out in your own way.
Because confidence doesn’t come from being helped through everything —
it comes from knowing you can handle things yourself.
So next time help comes too quickly, remember:
You don’t need someone else to prove you can do it.
You just need the opportunity to try.
If you’re a tradeswoman or tradesperson who’d like some help navigating this journey, I’d love to chat. You can book a coaching consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/louise-azzopardi/coaching_consult
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