One of the questions I was recently asked by a coaching client was:
“Should I go to the pub with the boys after work?”
It’s such a simple question, but the answer isn’t always straightforward.
Whether it’s the pub, a café, dinner after work, or any casual get-together with your colleagues, many of us have wondered whether we should go or head straight home. These aren’t formal work events; they’re the unofficial catch-ups where people relax, chat, and sometimes build stronger connections.
For tradeswomen, or anyone working in a male-dominated industry, this decision can feel even more complicated. You might worry about fitting in, missing out, or being seen as “not part of the team.” On the other hand, you may also wonder whether the environment aligns with your values and personal boundaries.
The truth is that there isn’t one right answer. It’s about understanding the risk versus reward and deciding what’s right for you.
Weighing Up the Risks and Rewards
Whenever we’re faced with a decision like this, I encourage people to think about the possible risks and rewards.
If you decide to go, you might strengthen relationships with your teammates, feel more connected, and be part of conversations that never happen during work hours. Sometimes these casual moments create friendships, build trust, and help you feel more included at work.
But there are also risks to consider.
If alcohol is involved, ask yourself how comfortable you are in that environment. Do you drink? Do you enjoy who you are after a few drinks? Are you comfortable drinking around your colleagues? How do the people you work with behave once they let their hair down?
People often act differently outside of work. Some become louder, more opinionated, or share things they normally wouldn’t. Others may unintentionally cross personal boundaries without realising it.
These aren’t reasons not to go; they’re simply things to think about.
Protecting Your Boundaries
One of the biggest things I encourage my clients to consider is their boundaries.
Unfortunately, from my own experience, spending extra time with a workmate outside of work can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. Someone may interpret friendliness as romantic interest, even when that’s not your intention.
It happened to me more than once, and in one case, it changed a friendship with someone I genuinely respected as a mentor.
Does that mean it will happen to you?
Absolutely not.
Many people regularly socialise with their colleagues and never experience anything like that. But it’s still worth being aware of the possibility so you can make decisions that feel comfortable for you.
If you do choose to go, remember that your boundaries don’t disappear once work finishes.
You don’t have to drink.
You don’t have to stay all night.
You don’t have to share personal stories just because everyone else is.
You are allowed to enjoy the company while still protecting your own well-being.
What Happens If You Don’t Go?
Sometimes the fear isn’t about going.
It’s about not going.
You might worry about missing out on team bonding, inside jokes, or conversations that help people build relationships. In some workplaces, opportunities or interesting jobs are casually discussed outside of work hours.
Those concerns are understandable.
But there’s another possibility we often don’t think about.
Your decision to politely say no might give someone else permission to do the same. There may be another colleague who would rather go home but feels pressured to attend because everyone else is.
You never know who you’re quietly giving confidence to.
Know Yourself
The most important question isn’t what everyone else thinks.
It’s:
What do you know about yourself?
Do you enjoy these social situations?
Do they leave you feeling energised or drained?
Do you find it easier or harder to stick to your boundaries?
Do these environments help you become the person you want to be?
The more honest you are with yourself, the easier these decisions become.
Remember: You’re Safe Either Way
Something I often discuss with clients is how anxiety can make these situations feel much bigger than they actually are.
Our brains are wired to fear exclusion because, thousands of years ago, being excluded from the tribe could mean danger.
Today, saying no to after-work drinks doesn’t mean you’ll lose everything.
You’ll still have your job.
You’ll still have your home.
Your loved ones will still be there.
Your pets will still be waiting for you.
Your life doesn’t suddenly fall apart because you skipped one social event.
Sometimes reminding yourself of these simple truths can help calm that anxious voice telling you that you have to say yes.
There Is No Perfect Decision
You might go and have a fantastic time.
You might go and realise it wasn’t your scene.
You might stay home and feel relieved.
You might stay home and wonder what you missed.
None of these outcomes make your decision right or wrong.
They’re simply experiences that help you learn more about yourself.
At the end of the day, there isn’t a universal right or wrong answer about going to the pub with your workmates. What matters most is that the decision reflects your values, your boundaries, and what feels right for you.
Take a moment to weigh up the risks and rewards. Ask yourself whether this choice supports the person you want to be, not the person you feel pressured to become.
Remember, saying yes doesn’t make you a better teammate, and saying no doesn’t make you less committed. Both are valid choices when they’re made intentionally.
Final Thought
At the end of the day, there isn’t a universal right or wrong answer about going to the pub with your workmates. What matters most is that the decision reflects your values, your boundaries, and what feels right for you.
Take a moment to weigh up the risks and rewards. Ask yourself whether this choice supports the person you want to be, not the person you feel pressured to become.
Remember, saying yes doesn’t make you a better teammate, and saying no doesn’t make you less committed. Both are valid choices when they’re made intentionally.
Trust yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else. And if things don’t go as planned, that’s okay too. Every experience is an opportunity to learn, adjust, and move forward.
No matter what you decide, you will still have your job, your home, your people, and your future. You are safe. You are capable. And you can recover from any decision you make.
As I always say…
I believe in you.
This blog is supported by EMU Safety.
“If you’re on the hunt for quality safety glasses, take a look at EMU Safety below. Their range is designed to help you stay safe, comfortable, and confident on the job.
Your support helps me continue creating free resources, blogs, and content for tradeswomen and industry.”
Here is the link https://www.emusafety.com/LOUISE10
